7 Ways to Support Your Sober (or Sober-Curious) Holiday

In my work as a therapist, I have spent the bulk of my years supporting clients who are making changes related to their relationship with alcohol. I’ve clocked countless hours exploring the challenges and celebrating the victories of those who are hoping to make new choices when it comes to all things alcohol related. I am also a person who is sober and made the deliberate choice to enter this lifestyle because of all it affords me. Here you’ll find some tips and tricks for anyone who is sober-curious or wanting to reduce their drinking during the holidays for self-care purposes. You got this, and you’re worth it!

1.       Be clear on your “why” and write it down.

Bonus points for writing it down somewhere in your phone so you can reference this when you feel tempted to drink (and you will, and that’s completely normal). There’s a good reason some part of you is considering that it may benefit you to skip the booze. There are so many reasons why reducing or not drinking alcohol might feel best for you. Focus on what you stand to gain.

2.       Play the tape out.

On the topic of feeling tempted to drink, another sober-hack is “playing the tape out”. This could come in handy whether you’re being offered “just one more drink” (for those trying to reduce), or you’re trying to cut out alcohol and struggling to decline. Playing the tape out sounds like: “Okay, I could have this drink. But, then what? How will I feel tomorrow? How will I feel if I keep my commitment to myself?”

3.       Choose environments that make things easier, not harder.

Whether it’s that one friend that you tend to let a little too loose with, or the work happy-hour where things always seem to go a little too late-night, think about what situations or environments tend to be the most difficult when it comes to over-indulging. In the early days of a sober journey, you want to set yourself up for success, not make things harder. Choose events and activities that support rather than challenge, when possible.

4.       Avoid feeling deprived.

If not drinking feels like you’re restricting or depriving yourself of something, this can be a set-up to slip back into old habits. Have fun with mocktails, non-alcoholic substitutes, and order drinks that you truly enjoy! Many people will opt for a tonic with lime because it looks like a cocktail. Have you ever tasted that? Boring. Treat yourself. If you’re at a restaurant or bar, ask them to make you something using the flavor profiles you enjoy. Order a hot tea if you like something to sip on, or your favorite sparkling water with lime. Or, try some of the new non-alcoholic cocktail brands like Seedlip, CleanCo, Curious Elixiers, or Betty Buzz. If you’re going to an event or party and you aren’t sure if the host will offer non-alcoholic options, bring your favorite drink. Just because you aren’t drinking alcohol doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to enjoy your experience. You matter!

*Those who are in recovery from a substance use disorder may choose not to drink non-alcoholic spirits for physical, psychological or spiritual reasons. Consult your recovery support professional.

5.       Refusal Techniques

This is a fancy way of saying, plan for how you’ll say “no thanks” when offered a drink. Commonly, this can be incredibly hard for so many reasons. Some folks fear that they’ll need to explain why they’re not drinking, or even why they are drinking less. This highlights the binary relationship society has with alcohol (if you’re not drinking, surely there must be something wrong?! You’re either an alcoholic or a life-of-the-party, consequence-free drinker, right? So problematic. I digress.)

The truth is, no is a complete sentence. You can simply say no thanks, and not need to explain. If it feels better to have an “out” because you’re sure that Aunt Carol won’t take no for an answer when you decline her famous eggnog, think beforehand about how to support your boundary. Better yet, prep with your therapist!

6.       Identify Triggers

Make a list of the situations (emotions, circumstances, people, places, etc) that promote alcohol use. Examples: Celebrating, feeling lonely, stress, wanting to relax, family drama, social environments that can feel awkward, etc. Increasing your awareness of what situations increase the likelihood of drinking will support intentional decision making. You can also explore what needs you have in those circumstances. Examples: rest, tolerating distress, feeling joy, feeling connected, etc.

7.       Amplify the Good

Think hobbies, stimulating interests, nurturing fulfilling relationships, focusing on your physical and emotional needs, engaging in the activities or routines that help you feel your best and fill up your tank. This is something unique to each person, and if you feel stumped on this one it would be a great topic to explore with a therapist!

Many people who are choosing to either reduce or not drink during the holidays become aware of the large role that alcohol plays in our traditions and gatherings at this time of year. It’s easy to imagine feeling left out. However, alcohol itself does not impart the sense of meaning we experience at the holidays. It’s usually more along the lines of nostalgia, tradition, culture, relationships, and experiences. How can you be intentional about creating a sense of meaning unique to you?

If you want one-on-one support or further exploration into any of these topics, let’s talk more! Schedule an appointment today.